A few weeks ago I was talking to a young girl, and we somehow came to talking about forgiveness. Not always something that is easy, as I very well know.
In my case, my father’s mistress, who later became wife number two, forbade my father from having any contact with me. When the divorce papers were signed, I was a few months away from turning 13, so of course it affected me, although I didn’t fully understand how much – at least not at the time.
How much it had changed me didn’t become clear to me until I was in my 20s, and had had my second or third child. It was only then that God made me aware of the fact that I wasn´t only having a little trouble with my father’s new wife, but that I had actually – although I was completely unaware of it – come to hate her.
We all know what the scripture says about hating someone; Anyone who hates has already committed murder in his heart.
This was the moment that I began to pray, daily, that God would help me forgive. It was not easy, and (perhaps) not entirely of free will to begin with. Rather, it was something that I understood I needed to do – if nothing else - then for the sake of my own peace.
Barely 10 years after I began to ask God for help, my grandmother died. Dad did not come to the funeral, instead he sent his - at this time - new ex-wife. She appeared at the door of Grandma's apartment, and I hugged her, welcoming her. This is when I realized that I no longer held anything against her. (Mom was the one who received the phone call from one of Grandma's friends, about her death, and we were the first on the scene.)
In any case, this taught me the importance of forgiving instantly and not letting it sit there and fester.
So as we sat there talking, it came to mind, even though I didn't bring up that incident right there. Rather, what came to mind for both of us were different Bible verses about the importance of forgiveness. In my case, it was Matthew 5:21-26 that came to mind.
Matthew 5:21-26 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.
Other verses that also came up were:
Matt 6:9-13 |
Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. |
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. |
I´ve chosen to add in both KJV and ESV, so you can read which ever you prefer.
I am glad that God dealt with me so early in life – as He did - now that I can see it in the rearview mirror - when I´m 60 years old.
Later in life something else happened - I don't even remember what today - only that I suddenly felt - that I needed God's help in it. This was during a time when I spent hours at the piano. During this time I wrote a little chorus, which I often sang. Roughly translated:
If I hold something against someone else, teach me to fix my gaze upon You, so that the person/thing that hurt me doesn't mean anything, only then can it melt away in the love from You.
Sometimes you have to struggle with forgiving, and sometimes it comes easily. But one thing is certain, you yourself, feel best when you forgive. The other person doesn't feel bad because I don't forgive, it only affects me. True love forgives, just as we have been forgiven.
Col 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
What strikes me as I write this is how easy it is for us to deceive ourselves into thinking we have the right to be angry - to remain bitter - to fail to forgive. Especially if someone has done or said something against us that has really hurt us. That´s when God's Word really points the finger at how we should behave - and our protests are worthless.
Matthew 5:38-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Jesus' words aren´t always a balm for our souls, sometimes they are razor-sharp, and maybe not even something we want to listen to. But truth is truth, regardless of how we ourselves feel about it. And if we want to live as true followers of Christ, then we should strive to have the same disposition that He himself had.
Luke 6:27-35 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.
If we cannot even love and forgive our Christian brothers and sisters, how can we love and forgive sinners, or even ourselves. Forgiveness must always begin with acknowledging that we ourselves are in need of forgiveness, and that we do not have a choice as to whether we feel like it, or want to forgive.
Dear God forgive us, is followed by - as we ourselves forgive others - it is not a suggestion - where you and I ourselves have the right to say; I don´t feel like it, I don´t wanna. No, it is more like an order - which we are told to follow. Furthermore, there are serious consequences if we refuse to obey, or choose not to forgive.
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Vi behöver börja ta Guds ord på större allvar än vi gör och inse att vissa löften också åtföljs av den dom som kommer på vår handling. Med andra ord – det vi säger och gör åtföljs alltid av konsekvenser. Och att vi inte kommer förlåtas om vi inte själva förlåter, är helt klart en allvarlig konsekvens.Vikten av att förlåta
We need to start taking God’s word more seriously than we do and realize that some promises are also accompanied by the judgment that comes upon our actions. In other words – what we say and do is always accompanied by consequences. And that we will not be forgiven if we ourselves do not forgive, is clearly a serious consequence.
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